Preacher's Blunders

Anybody who has spoken in public before in all probability has made a slip of the tongue, mispronounced words, missed out words or generally made a mistake in some form or another; it is just one of those things. Below are some, which the author has witnessed, heard about from fellow preachers (their own mistakes), or others that they have witnessed and the unfortunate accident of the author's own sayings.

A Brazilian preacher said, “The Spirit of the Lord was hoovering over the face of the earth.” It should have been hovering from Genesis 1:2.

An Italian preacher tried to quote, 2 Timothy 2:13 and said, “Even if God remains faithless, we remain faithful.” It should have been quoted, ‘If we are faithless, He remains faithful.’

A Korean preacher said, “Moses was a eunuch.” What he meant to say was, “Moses was unique.”

An Australian preacher said, “Jonah was swallowed by a whale.” Jonah 1:17, ‘The Lord provided / prepared a great / large fish…’ The preacher on another occasion said, “Adam ate the apple.” Genesis 3:6 reveals that ‘Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit.’ Both of these errors were pointed out by a teenage member of the congregation in the middle of the sermon!

English preachers: “Jesus defeated all principalities and powers…” from Colossians 2:15, but he tried to pronounce principalities and powers three times but got tongue tied and so said, “Jesus defeated all demons…”

“In the book of Elijah…” There is no book of Elijah; the preacher meant the book of Isaiah.

“As we enter into the New Year of 1993, it was 2003! The church erupted in laughter.

“We will now sing 644” and the preacher read out the first stanza. Then the organist shouted up into the pulpit, “The number is 464.”

In Isaiah 6:1, “We see Elijah…” The text read, ‘In the year that King Uzziah died…’ The sermon was about the prophet Isaiah. Elijah lived about 150 years before Isaiah.

“We must pray for Luke’s mum as she will be having a Caesarea next Thursday, oopps that a place in the Bible I mean a caesarean.”

There will always be: “Please turn to…” and when you get to the book, chapter and verse, what the minister is reading is a different text that what you’ve be asked to turn to.

A preacher was talking about the valley of dry bones from Ezekiel 37. “Sometimes I feel like a dry bone,” he said. The congregation chuckled as the preachers surname was Bones.

“You will never be satisfied if you seek to fulfil my calling and I will never be satisfied if I seek to fulfil my calling! I think I got confused on that statement, moving on.” What he meant to say was, “I will never be satisfied if I seek to fulfil your calling.”

The Pastor’s wife speaking about the rapture “…time for Jesus to come back to heaven.”

“I have this written in my notes…but I can’t think why I wrote it now.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought.”

“I don’t know why I said that?”

“I will be finishing in a minute,” This is usually repeated three times and the service ends sometime after ten minutes from the first, "I will be finishing in a minute" was uttered. At other times the words "on a final note" or "my last point is" spoken and another couple of texts are quoted and a few more illustrations are thrown in just for good measure and then the preacher ends.

A preacher climbed up into a pulpit wearing a pair of dark glasses, as the pulpit light was positioned directly shining into his face he said, “Every time I come here, you always provide me with a glass of water, but you never provide me with a pair of glasses, so I have brought my own!”

A man at a conference said, “I see a man with the anointing on him, please come up here” (to the front). The man was bald and was sitting under a light which was reflecting of his shiny head! The embarrassed preacher profusely apologised to the humiliated man.

“The clock should not be behind me, where you (the congregation) can see it, but it should be behind you, where I can see it.”

“What is the time?”

“When am I meant to finish?”

“If you’re not ten minutes early to a church service then you’re late!”

“I am sorry, you have a sign on the pulpit which reads please use the King James Version, I am sorry, but all I have is the NIV version.”

“I have not come here to entertain you, but to give you the word that the Lord has given me.”



Real Life Questions and statements

I asked a preacher how his sermon went the other day. He replied “Not to good, I had a bad week and I took it out on the congregation.”

“Why do you always make me feel bad on a Sunday?” said a member of the congregation to the visiting speaker.

A teenage girl after leaving before the end of the message spoke to the senior youth leader, “He’s preaching against me tonight.” “No replied the youth leader, you were convicted by the Holy Spirit!”

“I’ve never felt so frightened in all my life” said the lady to the preacher after the service. He had been speaking from Job chapter one about the brevity of life and all the disasters that had befallen Job and related in to the twin towers, getting right with God and evangelism. It was preached on the first Sunday after September 11, 2001 what we now refer to as 9/11.

The elder asked, “Can you read from the original” (referring to the AV or KJ version of the Bible) the preacher replied, “I am a Hebrew and Greek scholar, I can preach in either, but would your congregation understand?”

The elder said to the Bible college student before the service, “Son don’t make the sermon too long, there is no need to drag it out, if you have nothing more to say then just finish early.”

The elders said to the itinerant preacher just before the service began at 11am, “Remember you can finish early but you must be finished by 12 o’ clock!”

The preacher asked, “What time does the service conclude.” The elder replied as the Spirit leads, but be finished by 12 o’ clock (midday). The service started at 11am!

After the sermon, this young lady was annoyed at the preacher’s message on humility but complained on a minor point. “The gospel is not preached here anymore and we cannot get any good speakers.” The visiting preacher replied, “Well you should speak to the pastor about it.” The young lady replied, “My dad is the pastor!” Afterwards the elder came up and apologised on behalf of the aforementioned person, and asked for the preacher’s telephone number to book another engagement!



Humorous Church Notices Blunders

Year 8 will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church on Saturday at 6pm. All are welcomed to attend this tragedy.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

The musical concert held in the Wesleyian Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the pastor's daughter, who laboured the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Thirty members were present at the church meeting held last week. Mrs Jones and Mrs Evans sang a duet, ‘The Lord Knows Why.’

The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

On a church newsletter during the minister’s illness: God is good. Dr. Peacock is better.

Pastor is on holiday. Massages can be given to the church secretary.

Four new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Weight Watchers will meet at 6pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The outreach committee has enlisted twenty-five visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet every Friday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of ‘Blessed Assurance’ will be sung without musical accomplishment.

The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in calibration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

The Rev. Butler spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, ‘Break Forth into Joy.’

Next Sunday Mrs Winston will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”



ByFaith Links:

The Bible - its History, Overview and Application

A Brief Overview of each Book of the Bible

Leviticus: The Mosaic Law. Sacrifices, the Feasts and Festivals; Jesus and the Law

In Search of the Exodus

Bible and Church Sitemap

Britain Sitemap

The History / Origins of the English Language

The History of England / Britain

Christianity and the Development of Democracy and Human Rights (1215 - present day Britain)

The Bicentenary of the End of the Slave Trade 1807-2007 - William Wilberforce - A Christian Warrior for Justice